Friday, October 15, 2010

What is Timing


What is perfect Timing?
It’s not an obsession. It’s just the most familiar way that humans (and I consider myself in that group!!!) in general, relate to experiences and feelings, sensations and activities: we need to measure stuff. To understand something, we need to quantify one thing in relation to something else so that in our minds, that “thing” can have a name, can have a form (quantifiable) and has its place in space and time (also quantifiable in the past present or future).
The concept of “we only got 4 minutes to save the world” (so say Madonna and Justin T), wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t a consciousness of 60 seconds to change the world, 2 seconds to be in the world, half a second to perceive the world, a millisecond’s breath to embrace the whole world, or in a “Plank time” to blink and lose it all (Planck time: 5.391 × e−44 seconds. That's 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000005391 of a second!!!! …uk.answers.yahoo.com).
We breathe therefore we count. When my mom almost died last year from severe pneumonia, her main exercise was to blow into a device called a spirometer that, in the most simplest terms, measured her lung capacity. We fill our lungs with air, therefore we fill our minds with countable concepts, and sometimes, we fill our egos with countable objects and desires and passions that sustain it (because while we attempt to EMPTY, even the attempts are countable!) No mind, to gaze and to perceive, to be aware and to recognize and meditate in tranquil unquantifiable nothingness…that is the ideal. But for now, I count my OMs, you count your SHIVAYAs, mom counts her AVE MARIAs, my partner counts his KI-AIs, my sensei counts the money needed to remodel the dojo, and my voice coach uses a metronome click to encourage me to sustain the length of a high C note during singing classes.
Time can go on without us. Space can go on without us. But once the concept of “you and I equals WE or US” comes into the picture of space and time, there is then a thing called TIMING. Without space, there is no such thing as timing for WE. I would like to understand that Timing is time with relationship. Timing is time with love. Timing is time for communication. And all this is you and I, we, us, as we move together in aikido, in the music, in the dance, in life, sometimes at imperfect timing, and sometimes in absolutely perfect timing, even if the sensation of perfection is actually a subjective one that both you and I happen to agree on at that quantifiable yet unquantifiable moment. It is only as significant as the proportion of love and attention we want to give to Timing.
At my actual place of work, time is so special. The favorite salutation I give to our suppliers and collaborators is, “thank you in advance for your timely response” (a very polite way of saying, “hey, please give me a solution quickly because we have a deadline to reach!”). Timing and time in my other jobs previous to this one, was never food for thought or fuel for polite encouragement. Now, every day I punch a timecard registering the exact moment I come in and the exact moment I go out of my office. At first I regarded it as a cute reminder of who my employers are (so Japanese, I love them even if I am of a much more laid-back culture). Now I see the timecard as polite encouragement to build onto basics. If you can’t do something as basic as get to work on time, be on the dojo in time, say “I love you” to your loved one on time (now!!!), then what happens when you are faced with greater challenges? So this happy exercise of peeling away the layers of meaning of time and timing is one fortunate amusement for me, as I continue to count my OMs, my KI AIs and my I-Love-You(s) in this journey with a beginning, middle, and end. Then maybe at the end, I will bow gratefully and say, “thank you for your timely response!”

Monday, July 12, 2010

Swimming. The absolutely alone experience.


About two months ago I started swimming “diligently”. It first started with a splash, and with the very basic pieces of knowledge (mostly intuitive) in order not to drown. I tried in the start, at the beginner’s-friendly family-oriented pool of my club in the boondocks, o sea, en la Hermandad Gallega de Valle Fresco. There, after successfully taming my impatient nature by being calm in the middle of a mercado callejero en el barrio de Valle Fresco justo en la entrada del club donde todo es caos y los reyes de la carretera (los !”#$%&/()”# choferes de buses) hacen lo que le dan la gana, where live gallinas are sold and killed in the middle of the street justo al lado de un mecánico arreglando su auto con un bidón de gasolina, a escasos metros de una vendedora ambulante de “parrilla de carne” (carne de qué tipo???)…anyway, after successfully breathing and chanting OM for an hour and passing through that chaos, I cross the entrance of the club and behold!…I roll into a different space and time, a fairy tale forest taken from middle Spain and planted in the middle of Municipio Sucre / Estado Miranda, Venezuela.

There, everyone already knows me. Heck, they’ve seen this semi-naked body every weekend (mornings when the pool is “clean” and piss-free), vehemently splashing her almost 58 kilos of happy fat across the water, gulping for air, and basically being a joyful mammal in the middle of her quest to touch the other end of the pool without drowning! And so it started like that, first 25 meters, then adding another lap. Then realizing that it’s good to relax, then awakening to the simplicity of just being grateful. The being grateful and thankful part really is the key to swimming.

And I keep swimming now to the extent of declaring it one of my essential activities for sanity! The coolest sensation is dipping into a pool without a care in the world, and for 30 minutes having no mind. Just breathing out and in, swinging arms, flipping feet, body in relaxed action….and the complete sensation of being alone with myself, facing the fears, acknowledging the joys, thanking the moment.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Keep training!


Cutting.
Up until last night in aikido class, I thought I had understood what cutting was. But sensei made me realize I was way off mark. I’ve been transferring what I thought was correct cutting movement of my tegatana (sword hands), imitating the suburi movements with bokken into actions when I practice taijutsu. But I had not realized the subtle difference in cutting with both hands simultaneously and the other type of cutting which is what sensei wants me to practice, where the first hand leads like the driver’s vision, and the other hand immediately following is the one that actually cuts. The subtlety is of course what I must learn to distinguish. I am simply doing this very diligently at first for yokomen uchi irimi nage. I enter into the entering LOL!
******
Protecting my organs.
My favorite senpai who is really the one who has patiently taught me how to improve my ukemi, has noted that I still tend to bump my bum while doing ushiro ukemi (not too much, but enough to cause slight impact), and that over time I may be harming my organs (kidneys, etc.) So apart from the thousands of details that I learn to learn, that I practice while smiling in class, I am also trying wholeheartedly to involve my abdomen more during all of my ukemi. I have noticed that if I am aware of that small but ever so important curl as I gather my abdomen inside, it will help me round my back more, thus avoiding the impact on my bum!!! So this is what remains. My smile. I am so lucky that I have a big enough bum to remind me how alive I am through the ouch and the pain and the bumps!! LOL
Keep training!

The doctor is here.


My niece is also a fan of the most colorful parts of Japanese culture. As we feed on each other's discovery of interesting links, like this one: http://whiteboardjournal.com/news/publication/yokai-anatomy.html
I reflect on how organized my employers are, and how with regards to health and hygiene, they (the Japanese) will ensure that all goes as planned, in other words, a once-a-year health check up from the Doctor must be made, for your own good.
So the doctor is here. He is briefly and concisely checking everyone's health. I hope to pass the test, if at least the mental one.

*Yanagi-baba (”willow witch”) is the spirit of 1,000-year-old willow tree. Anatomical features include long, green hair resembling leafy willow branches, wrinkled bark-like skin, a stomach that supplies nourishment directly to the tree roots, a sac for storing tree sap, and a cane cut from the wood of the old tree. Although Yanagi-baba is relatively harmless, she is known to harass passersby by snatching umbrellas into her hair, blowing fog out through her nose, and spitting tree sap.

Life and Penalty Kicks


よくやった!
Japan lost against Paraguay in a match in which there were many efforts for goals with no results in favor of either team, so the game had to go into extra time and then into the penalty kicks.
Life and Penalty Kicks. Whoever in the FIFA decided that a match should be decided by a series of penalty kicks is a real masochist, a lover of all emotions that produce pain and excitement, anguish and ecstasy, sorrow and joy. The goalkeeper is hated or exalted. And if a player happens to miss his kick, he goes down into history as the one who shamefully blew away the team’s opportunity to win. What kind of lesson and message does this give to humanity? Does our success depend on one kick? Isn’t life just a series of actions and experiences, all good, all with courage, and it really is not a question of kicking to win, but rather moving to live fully?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

El Ratón Viajero

El Ratón Viajero
Parece que a muchos que viajamos desde Venezuela al exterior para unas pequeñas y modestas vacaciones, nos da un especié de “ratón viajero” al regresar a nuestro país. Venezuela, te sufro y te amo tanto. Más o menos podría decir lo mismo de alguna otra persona en alguna otra relación que he tenido en mi pasado lejano y no tan lejano, pero no me acuerdo de ninguna relación pasado o presente que supere mi relación con mi país, esa sensación de abismo y tristeza cuando llego a Maiquetía para ver que está todo peor a cuando me fui.
Yo no creo en culpar a Chávez. Ni creo en culpar a los burgueses dueños de empresas privadas. No apuntaré mi dedo hacia los chavechoros corruptos. No me burlaré en actitud de irónica crueldad hacia “el pueblo” que todo aguanta. Pero sí creo que el venezolano a pie como yo, como tú, independientemente de nuestras creencias sociales o políticas o personales, tenemos que seguir insistiendo en asumir individualmente la responsabilidad de hacer propio nuestro país, para así contribuir a que este país no muera más. En la semana siguiente a mi regreso a Caracas, indagué y fustigué a mi ego, reconstruí las razones por la cual me apego a lo material, y por ende porqué sufro al sentir que me quitan la libertad de consumir o no consumir, porqué me molesta si me coartan lo que siento es mi derecho de escoger entre esto o aquello si esto o aquello ya ni siquiera son opciones, me volví a preguntarme qué me motiva levantarme cada día a pesar de que la inflación nos come los sueldos, y cuáles serían mis responsabilidades para seguir viva en este cuerpo, en este plano, en esta sanidad aparente y temporal.
Apartando mis otros “issues” o temas que últimamente me han obligado a reconstruir mi vida personal, debo también afrontar mi deber como ciudadana. En este mi pequeño espacio, en este modesto círculo de energía, intentaré generar respuestas y acciones para hacer el bien. Confío en esto, confío solo en mi voluntad para ser valiente, para informarme y abrir los ojos.
Yo sueño por un Caracas amable, de ciudadanía, sentido de pertenencia, espacios para caminar a cualquier hora del día y no ser atracada. Disfruto esos pequeños globos milagrosos que se asoman momentáneamente como efímeros rayos de luz, yoga en La Estancia, concierto de reggae gratis en Plaza Caracas, paseos gratos y alegres en las calles del Municipio Chacao, deportes en el Parque del Este, piscinas y juegos inflables para niños y niñas en el Municipio Sucre…Pero esos son instantes efímeros. Regreso a mi barrio y cruzo un Petare que huele a muertos. Observo a los perros callejeros y los indigentes con muecas de desespero. Lloro al niño pidiendo limosna en el semáforo. Mi alma cae, advirtiendo un grupo de adolescentes escondiendo armas de fuego en sus ropas, en la vía rápida de aniquilamiento entre mafias de las drogas. Y me imagino todo lo que no se vé ni se lee en la prensa, todo lo escondido debajo del desdén, de la corrupción, del miedo. Este monstruo tiene mil cabezas, ¿por dónde empezar y acaso valdrá la pena desenvainar mi espada del corazón? Me siento sola e inútil ante tanta realidad de violencias y temores. Siento que en general, ya Venezuela perdió su madre, perdió la mujer que educa, perdió la mamá que alimenta amor, perdió su comunicación para la paz. Venezuela es guerra en las calles, una guerra civil que es peor que cualquier otra guerra, pues es contra nosotros mismos.
Pero insisto. Sueño en la verdadera educación para la libertad. Sueño que la música y el aikido sean las llaves para la paz. Creo en la inteligencia. Creo en los acuerdos entre gentes con diferentes opiniones. Creo que hay un ciclo y que por naturaleza se deberá despertar la nación cuando ya casi no le quede vida. Acciono mi día a día para no perder ánimo en expresar mis ideas sin represión. Y aspiro a una calidad de vida que permita la sonrisa en cada transeúnte, y sobre todas las cosas, sueño que en Venezuela seamos de verdad educados para seguir educándonos en la maestría de la convivencia. ¿Viviré para experimentar esto? ¿Estaré aquí en este país cuando esto se materialice? Ojala que sí…

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

O Sensei and laughter



Transcending time and space, this image says only few things, yet those few words have moved millions in Earth to practice Aikido. I believe that O Sensei is laughing now! And I am blessed to be awakened.

Estar Consciente y La Relación de Reciprocidad (o Sou Tai Kan Tei)


Estar Consciente y La Relación de Reciprocidad (o Sou Tai Kan Tei)
Alguien profesa amar al otro, pero a través de su acción podría consciente o inconscientemente lastimar a la otra persona. El daño ya está hecho. Es necesario perdonar. El efecto es devastador. La cura es… ¿amar?
¿Qué es amar? Hay tantas dimensiones de esto. Para mí, simplemente es estar 100% consciente de la persona, estar consciente es poder responder, y para poder responder implica un sentido de responsabilidad. Por lo tanto, amar es estar consciente al comienzo y ser responsable al final.
Ahora me siento triste que en este proceso de aprendizaje del aikido, busco amor y ser amada, pero la ecuación no es perfecta todo el tiempo. Quizás yo sólo debería estar contenta con mi parte de la relación. Quizás no debería estar tan molesta con la otra parte, ya que nuestros caminos tienen diferentes ritmos y despertares.
Sí, por ahora estoy triste. Es necesario sin embargo. ¡Necesito sentir hasta los huesos esta tristeza para aprender a apreciar la felicidad! La tristeza es como la sombra. Sin ella, sin este contraste, no existiría la luz. Pero esto es sólo temporal, y sé que mi admisión a esta tristeza, es admitir a mi estado de apego. Sé que soy una alumna lenta, llena de ego, de deseos, ¡sin embargo tan dispuesta a aprender! Así que, el próximo paso sería…otra vez, estar consciente. La Nada. Ser Esencial. Estar Consciente.
Lo que me lleva a lo que aprendía del Sensei David Halprin, quien a su vez lo aprendió de su sensei, Shihan Mitsunari Kanai: la reciprocidad de las responsabilidades tanto de uke como tori en su relación, y ambos capaces de dar para poder recibir, se llama Sou Tai Kan Kei...
双対 sou tai: reciprocidad, recíproco
関係 kan kei: una relación, una conexión

Awareness and The Relationship of Reciprocity (or Sou Tai Kan Tei)
Someone professes to love another, but through his/her action may consciously or subconsciously hurt the other person. Damage is done. Forgiving is necessary. The effect is devastating. The cure is … love?
What is to love? There are so many dimensions of it. For me, it is simply to be 100% aware of that person, to be aware is to be able to respond, to be able to respond implies a sense of responsibility. Hence, to love is to be aware at the start and to be responsible at the end.
Now I am so sad that in this learning process of aikido, I seek to love and be loved, but this equation is not always so perfect. Maybe I should just be content with my part of the relationship. Maybe I should not be so upset about the other part, since our paths have different rhythms and awakenings.
Yes, for now I am sad. It is necessary, however. I need to feel to the bone this sadness to learn to appreciate happiness! Sadness is like a shadow. Without it, without this contrast, there would be no light. But this is only temporary, and I know that admitting to it is admitting to my state of attachment. I know I am but a slow learner full of ego, full of desires, but yet so willing to learn! So, the next step should be… again, awareness. Nothingness. Suchness. Awareness…
Which leads me to what I learned from Sensei David Halprin, and in turn he learned it from his sensei, Shihan Mitsunari Kanai: the reciprocity of responsibilities of both uke and tori in their relationship and both being able to give in order to receive is called Sou Tai Kan Kei...
双対 sou tai: reciprocity, reciprocal
関係 kan kei: a relationship, a connection

Friday, March 19, 2010

Equilibrio


"Equilibrio: traduce balance, orden, armonía. Donde todas las piezas encajan perfectamente como en un rompecabezas. Por eso es necesario orientar nuestra búsqueda al equilibrio de todos los elementos que forman nuestra vida. Debemos procurar en lo posible de alejarnos de los extremos. Los extremos conducen a los excesos, los excesos al desgaste, y eso nos puede hacer perder el camino...." Jorge Russo sensei, 3er dan Aikikai, dojo-chou de Marubashi Aikido Dojo, Caracas, Venezuela.


El Gobierno nipón pide que los trabajadores tomen más vacaciones
El Gobierno nipón publicó hoy una directiva en la que recomienda a las empresas japonesas que animen a sus trabajadores a tomarse dos semanas seguidas de vacaciones con la esperanza de que en 2017 dispongan de todos sus días libres.
La recomendación del Ministerio de Salud, Trabajo y Bienestar japonés, no vinculante, intenta evitar el exceso de horas de trabajo al que se ven sometidos los empleados nipones, lo que en ocasiones causa problemas de salud y ha llevado a algunos a la muerte por exceso de horas, problema conocido como “karoshi”.
El Gobierno pidió a las empresas que intente establecer unos objetivos de vacaciones pagadas y que éstas duren unas dos semanas.
Según la agencia local Kyodo, el Ministerio pidió que las empresas no permitan que sus trabajadores sufran estrés y acaben por agotarse, ya que las extensas horas de trabajo, especialmente en las oficinas de todo el país, son una de las principales causas de problemas mentales en la población.
Según los últimos datos oficiales, la media de vacaciones de un trabajador japonés en 2008 fue de 8,5 días, el 47,4 por ciento de los 18 días de que disponían.
El Gobierno espera que en 2012 los trabajadores utilicen el 60 por ciento de sus días de vacaciones y que este porcentaje suba hasta el 100 en 2017.
La recomendación presentada hoy sucede a la decisión del Consejo de Ministros en diciembre para promover las vacaciones y pedir a las empresas que lleven un control de los días libres que toman sus trabajadores, en ocasiones escasos.
Debido al gran número de problemas mentales derivados del exceso de trabajo, muchos japoneses recurren a compensaciones y tienen derecho a indemnización si fallecen a causa del trabajo continuado.
Vía “EFE” 2010-03-19

Monday, March 15, 2010

I want I wish I desire


2010 March 15

I want. I wish, I desire. All those things coming from this well-known ego that is good for nothing.

I’ve asked you to forgive me, which doesn’t rule out the fact that I expect you to say you too, are sorry.

So many surprises come from this relationship we have of reflecting on our selves, our hopes, our expectations. I expected that you would share somewhat the same passion I have for this language, this instrument of communication, this art, this way or 道.

It hurt me so bad that you didn’t enjoy the gift I wanted to share with you. It hurt me when you threw away the guide for learners in this incredible path towards mastery. My mind couldn’t conceive that you would leave without even saying goodbye to sensei. For me it was illogical that you would be so uncomfortable and upset towards a Zen practice that you know consists of primary patience. It really bothered me that you would show disrespect for the instructor, as you listened to his instructions but did not follow. Were you intentionally looking to escape? Is this art causing you so much pain?

I couldn’t understand why, if you pass the day in passionate practice of writing your name, of writing kanji with the innocence of a child, you would not want to take advantage of the gift of knowledge in 書道. I couldn’t understand that you would be so the opposite in this path, when it should be the same for other paths, the same rituals, the same breathing, the same happiness, the same attitude, the same devotion, the same deliverance.

So here I am, waiting and swimming in a pool of mixed emotions, knowing that it is best to stay quiet and to receive what must flow from this unfailing universe of lessons learnt. And it’s back to basics. Basic love, basic meditation, basic forgiving, basic breathing, basic learning.

If you wish to teach, first you must wish to learn.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Convivencia


CONVIVENCIA

Coexistence, living together in harmony…
1. to exist together or at the same time.
2. to exist separately or independently but peaceably, often while remaining rivals or adversaries: Although their ideologies differ greatly, the great powers must coexist.

Coexistence synonyms:
synchronize
integrate
organize
concur
harmonize
pool
mesh
proportion
...

What makes a musical band?
It is not the ecstatic and joyous moments of applause that make a band. Even if live performances are the fibers that hold a band together, there are always days and nights when the muscles need exercise, the bones need to be flexed, the matter fed by the elements to stay alive.

What makes a band maintain its lively essence and livelihood, is to create music together with the willingness to act together, to concur on one goal, despite the different worlds and characters or opinions…

It is the turning point of a band that is still making its first steps, to pull together its resources and make a single statement of coexistence. Seven worlds in synchronicity to achieve what few have been brave enough to work for: a wonderful, beautiful and precious work of art.

I’ve always said that to be in a band is an act of faith. It is a daily click on the REFRESH button that keeps us playing notes to move souls, to move emotions, to move within a world that seeks unique expression.

It’s up to us to consider the balance.
It’s up to us to take actions on coexistence for a greater purpose.
So let’s do it.

Hit that perfect note, hit that High C!...

“C” for Coexistence…

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Flow with the go. Flow with the ego...




Friday. Magical evening. Flowed with the go. Flowed with the ego???! Kept repeating the mantra “the world is not about me, the world is the world.” And as I sat next to my new friend, the fascinating Franciscan/ Modern Saint Ignatius / Modern Christian Samurai (if there is ever such a thing), I focused all my attention to him, not to me, to him. I smelled the breath of your therapeutic marihuana lift to “get you ready” for an evening of music. I looked into your eyes as you told me about your vow of chastity, yet you exuded absolute passion for things that can be tasted, felt, seen, smelled and appreciated by the senses. And then when the music started, I focused my attention on the music and was totally enraptured, however so very so very aware of you, my beautiful and fascinating friend. Fascinating because you are a paradigm. Fascinating because I get your passions. Fascinating because I understand you in any language, even the body language you wish so much to suppress.

I listen to music without prejudice, I told you, as you sought to judge sounds that you preferred not listening to. Yet you agreed with me, and acceded to listen with ears and heart open, ready to be surprised. And so you were, as the notes reached your soul, as the human spirit in charge of each instrument expressed the love. You gave in and sensations flowed in and out and back again.
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
If freedom was something to be tasted, it would be the taste of sugary rose petal.
If joy were to be smelled, it would the smell of freshly baked bread and coffee.
If love were a vision, it would be seeing all of you from head to toe, naked and smiling.
And if this life were something to be felt, it would the soft touch of your hand in mine.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
Saturday, surprised myself as I became a territorial, primitive beast. Jealousy is a mean thing. And when it is mixed with pride it is a terrible and silent bomb.

It’s a good thing you forgave me.


I am your first challenging student in this path.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
Sunday, the pain, the self-questioning, the slow realization of accepting the imperfections of this path to self-knowledge. The embarrassment and the wonder. Forgiving myself and learning how to communicate.


And today, you again say to me: I love you. I know you because I know myself. And so, as we stretch and expand, the limits of this love seem to dissolve. No boundaries. Only this. This love!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Serendipity

I am always loving and wishing for each opportunity to communicate and feel, because whenever I move with you or with any other person, that being at that instant is a reflection of me! I am always aware of what moves inside me, and I invent personal mantras each week (for several weeks now I still repeat to myself: "just breathe. ain't never too late to learn stuff"), and later I throw them away in order to pass onto the next lesson.

I am the luckiest woman in the universe because I allow myself everything. I allow myself to get pissed off, to desire, to cling, to empty, to feel alone, to feel basic, I allow myself to play touching the sacred, I allow the applauses fill my rocker’s ego, I allow myself to bow deep down until I touch the ground, I allow myself to disappear, to get dressed in shining lights so that everyone can see me, I allow myself to give and receive gifts, but most important of all, I allow myself to laugh, to be thankful and to be aware that this (the way or どう, 道 ) is not difficult. It is only unique. To know that this is unique, I stopped comparing my rhythm of growth with others, thus I stopped judging, thus I learned how to forgive myself, thus I discovered how easy it is to be happy.

I don’t know what Zen is. I only know that when I am awake, I have another opportunity to be thankful.I still don’t know what Zen is. I only know that the world isn’t about me. The world is about the world. As I move in the world, I create and give the gift of my universe to the universe.

My favorite word is “serendipity”. The word was invented by the English author, Horace Walpole, who based it on a name from the ancient country of Sri Lanka, Serendip. He explained that the name was part of the title of a fairytale called “The Three Princes of Serendip”: while the princes travelled in their voyages, they were always making discoveries, but always through accident or coincidence, because they were never looking intentionally for anything in particular…”

Serendipity:1. The capacity of being able to make fortunate discoveries by accident 2. The talent of being able to make fortunate discoveries while looking for something else 3. An instant of making such a discovery

My friend, each time you see me, you will read in my eyes how thankful I am. You know how special it is to be a witness of your happiness? I feel so blessed.

I still don’t know what Zen is, and neither do I know what is a good ukemi (how to take falls in aikido). I only felt something different and it is because I never stop communicating. Bravery is not measured with weapons. To be brave is to be able to communicate despite my ego, despite my fears, despite my mistakes. I am thankful for my ability and will power to be able to express myself!

But above all other things, I thank you for your love that you give to me freely, to accompany me in this discovery! …in the search of something else, I generate and I allow myself other revelations!!!
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

¡Yo me la paso amando y deseando cada oportunidad de comunicarme y sentir, porque cuando me muevo contigo o con cualquier persona, ese ser y ese instante es el reflejo de mí! Me la paso atenta a lo que se mueve adentro, e invento mantras personales cada semana (por varias semanas aún me repito "just breathe. ain't never too late to learn stuff"), luego las desecho cuando debo pasar a otra instrucción.

Soy la mujer más afortunada del universo porque me permito todo. Me permito arrecharme, me permito desear, me permito el apego, me permito vaciar, me permito la soledad, me permito ser básica, me permito jugar a tocar lo sagrado, me permito los aplausos que llenan mi ego rockero, me permito inclinarme hasta tocar el piso, me permito desaparecerme, me permito vestirme de luces para que todos me vean, me permito recibir y dar regalos, pero sobretodo me permito reír y agradecer y estar conciente que esto (el camino) no es difícil, sólo es único. Al saber que es único, dejé de comparar mi ritmo con otro, por ende dejé de juzgar, por ende supe perdonarme, por ende descubrí que es fácil ser feliz.

No sé lo que es zen. Sólo sé que cuando estoy despierta tengo otra oportunidad más de ser agradecida.

No sé lo que es zen. Sólo sé que el mundo no se trata de mí. El mundo es el mundo. Y yo al moverme en el mundo, creo y regalo mi universo al universo.

Mi palabra favorita es “serendipity”. La palabra fue inventada por un autor inglés llamado Horace Walpole basándose en un nombre del antiguo país de Sri Lanka, Serendip. El explicó que el nombre era parte del título de un cuento de hadas llamado “Los tres príncipes de Serendip”: mientras los príncipes viajaban, siempre estaban haciendo descubrimientos, pero era siempre por accidente o casualidad, pues nunca buscaban intencionalmente alguna cosa en particular…”

Serendipity:
1. La facultad de poder hacer descubrimientos afortunados por accidente
2. El talento de poder hacer descubrimientos afortunados mientras buscabas otra cosa
3. Un instante de hacer tal descubrimiento

Mi amigo, cada vez que me ves, leerás en mis ojos cuán agradecida estoy. ¿Sabes lo especial que es ser testigo de tu felicidad? Me siento bendecida.

Aun no sé lo que es zen, tampoco sé lo que es un buen ukemi. Sólo sentí algo diferente y es porque nunca dejo de comunicarme. La valentía no se mide con armas. Ser valiente es comunicarme a pesar de mi ego, a pesar del miedo, a pesar de las equivocaciones. ¡Agradezco mi facultad y voluntad de expresarme!
Pero sobre todas las cosas, te agradezco tu amor que me das libremente para acompañarme en este hallazgo!
…en búsqueda de otra cosa, genero y me permito otras revelaciones!!!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Here and Now


The here and now. The only way to live! Beyond all sorts of possible distractions, I relish and savor the here and now. I am truly fortunate.

What's important


What's important? In aikido or singing or dancing, when I step onto the tatami of life, what's important is...

To breathe
To stretch my body and mind
To forgive myself
To forgive ourselves

So that space opened up from all the above, permits me to
Feel
See
Relate
and then
Interact

The moment feels suspended in time, but really it's because I am so aware of my mortality, that each second is a whole universe of possibilities which I treasure, absorb, then release.
I am so fortunate to be loved, to be alive, and to able to touch people with my small voice.

Revisiting with a smile...


I am reflecting on the possibility of letting go of what I desire most.
It is still only an imperfect possibility because I am too selfish to make it a reality!
To let go of what I most desire is as simple as breathing in and breathing out.
But with every breath, the molecules of my entire being die to be reborn again.
And it's the pain of loss in that millisecond between breath and release that shakes me

But I know it is sometimes necessary
Always necessary
To release the moment
To be free again
For the next moment

Yet I know we are creatures of comfort and that which we establish as routines
is our attempt to this sensation of comfort.
That is perhaps why we marry? Why we make promises? Why we propose to extend a moment of joy?
Why we want to see ourselves reflected in a growing possible future (to have biological children??)
I'm not sure of anything, nor I want to be sure of these rambling thoughts.

I am only sure of one thing.
The love of you fills me.

I love you not for what I may see reflected from you
But for what you simply are.
Simple.

Everything is possible.