When the earthquake struck

Last night, probably around the time when the 8.9 earthquake struck Japan at 2 a.m., I woke up sweating from a dream. I dreamt of the sensei who had led the Karate team to Tokyo, back in 2004. The last news I heard about him was that he was very sick and hospitalized. I don’t know why precisely last night I thought about him and his wife, and I made a mental note to thank them for having been part of that wonderful experience I had when I practiced Karate do, and competed in in the Nippon Budokan at Tokyo.
So I would like to believe that during that moment when I was thinking about Japan, around 2 or 3 a.m. Caracas time, my sub-consciousness was connected with that Collective Consciousness at that same hour when the earthquake struck in Japan, yet I had no “conscious” knowledge that it did. I think my spirit was visited and awakened by death as well as the dynamic cycles that nature gives to us in many degrees of strength, whether devastatingly mortal or softly like the touch of a baby’s hand.
When I got into my car I heard the news about the earthquake, and it was around 8 a.m. Caracas time. Later on today, out of the blue around 9 a.m., a good friend also ex-Karateka, called me to say hi. And we talked about Japan, and then she told me this sensei had died due to complications of the heart about two months ago, and that sad news just blew me away. I didn’t imagine he would die, I always remembered him as this robust, healthy and positive man. So I took the news of his death also as a relationship to transformations, of the inevitable passing away of the physical, of inevitable change. I thought of the young widow and her child, and the challenges she now faces to continue believing in life, and living her present, her day to day, without her loved one. Truly death is not tragic for the one who dies, for he or she is in a better place. Death is tragic only for those who remain alive and remembering the love and the energy that the person gave in their moments.
Around 10 a.m. my wonderful father who is 85 years old, sends this email titled “I Believe”. He sends it with all this honest love, and my heart fills up with smiles and tears. I never expected my dad to be so...candid. My image of my dad was the one who was very strict, and he usually communicated with grunts when meeting my friends. He was not the sort to send a message with a text like this one:

“I Believe...That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe...That heroes are the people who do what has to be done,when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.”

Today is also my husband’s 48th birthday. I invited him to lunch at my favorite restaurant (Japanese food of course). I would like to believe that each time we are together, that it is a gift from God. We are truly blessed to share and be together, even if we are totally different from each other. We have grown apart sometimes, but most of the time the mutual agreement is to grow back together. What is happiness? That can only be defined by each person. And no definition is identical to another. What is marriage? This also can only be defined by the two. And up to my imperfect knowledge of this thing called living together and loving each other, no marriage is alike another.

And it is here where I say… thank you husband, thank you dad, thank you mom, thank you brother and sister, thank you teacher and friend, thank you patient and kind reader. Now is a good time for happiness. Life is to live it as best as you can.

I love you.

The beauty of imperfect Aikido

The beauty of imperfect Aikido
Last weekend, Yoshimitsu Yamada shihan came to Caracas to give what I can only describe as an historical seminar filled with great energy, guided by a very generous and self-sacrificing man smiling at 200 or more Aikidoists whirling about on the tatami. There can be so much to write about this, and further on, I will. But in this note, I’m just trying to share some reflections on the yudansha exams. First of all, everyone passed. Second of all, maybe not everyone agreed that everyone should have passed. But I guess this is what happens in a very human activity such as Aikido. Thirdly, there were over twenty (20) people presenting exams from shodan on to nidan and then sandan. There were also lots of different styles of doing Aikido, even if we were all under the same roof and under the same umbrella, and representing the same organization called Sansuikai International.
During that Sunday, as the exams were being done, for the first time in my very short existence as an Aikidoist, I did not sit on the tatami with my friends, wrapped in the energy cocoon natural to this experience. Instead, and because I was fighting a fever from a “rain cold”, I quietly put my slippers on after the last class before exams, went up to the women’s room and took a shower to calm the rising fever. I got changed into comfortable Sunday clothes, picked up my vid-cam and sat on the bleachers to do something very important. I watched.
Watching through a video lens is different than observing quietly with just your eyes. During the shodan exams, I did just that. I watched with my eyes and kept the video camera and my mouth shut. And then came the nidan exams, so I chose to record a friend’s exam with my brand new high definition videocam. Besides her exam, I also taped all the other nidan randori, and then later, I taped the sandan exams. This all happened in a space of about an hour or so. More than twenty exams from shodan to nidan to sandan in a space of maybe 60 minutes or less. I’m not sure. I admit I was expecting the sandan exams to be longer, but no. If at all, each sandan exam lasted probably 2 or 3 minutes, but not much more. It is said that sensei Yamada throughout the seminar from the beginning, carefully observes all the Aikidoists who are candidates for exams, and that is why the actual exams are short because he already has been seeing them work their way through intense seminar classes with all types of ukes during the weekend. It’s also a realistic approach for seminars where many Aikidoists come from abroad, and have to rush back to the airport Sunday afternoon to catch their flights back home. Another food for thought is that the shodan exam is longer than the one for nidan, and the nidan exam a bit longer than the sandan. Reaffirmations of a process. A precious heart getting polished, taking more time at the beginning, then less and less time, but with more and more details until attaining the essential Truth, the nature of one’s being.
In my semi-delirious state of mentally controlling a fever and a maddening headache, I was aware of the beautiful and imperfect nature or “gem-heart” of all my friends. I also thought maybe as a race, we humans need these rites of passage to publicly acknowledge our efforts of simply expressing our gratitude to be alive and growing and learning. Aren’t Aikido exams just that? An exam is a rite of passage that each examinee experiences. There’s the ritual, the outfit, the tribal leaders, the guru, the family, the loved ones, the friends, and then also the fear and excitement, the thrill and relief, the breathing and the exhaling, the expectations and sometimes the necessary pain of disappointments for the also necessary awakenings.
Besides the need for rites of passage, I think humans also have this need to be judgmental only because it is the easiest habit we’ve acquired to actually reflect our own natural fears, doubts and certainties. When we peel off all the extra layers of ego on top of ego, we discover a simple equation:
I live, therefore I communicate.
I express myself in variable and unpredictable circumstances (randori), therefore I am stripped naked of illusions and presumptions, and I can only be myself as I have always been throughout this path of self-knowledge, of learning to love myself and others, of forgiving, of laughing, of crying, of awakening to a nature of imperfect goodness that can actually work itself out in this beautiful chaos.
I celebrate that each and every one who presented their exam was able to rise to the challenge. The courage to communicate their personalities and life and love through Aikido, despite injuries, physical and spiritual trials, or simple lack of sleep, is something that inspires me to give the best of myself each day. I always end my chronicles with gratitude, and this is not an exception.
I am thankful for being in this path, and of having been able to gather my hyperactive and feverish energy to sit quietly. Watching and loving.
______________

La belleza del Aikido imperfecto
El pasado fin de semana, Yoshimitsu Yamada shihan vino a Caracas para dar lo que yo sólo puedo describir como un seminario histórico lleno de gran energía, guiado por un hombre muy generoso y abnegado, sonriéndole a 200 o más Aikidokas girando a través del tatami. Hay tanto que se puede escribir sobre esto, y más adelante lo haré. Pero en esta nota, sólo trato de compartir algunas reflexiones sobre los exámenes de yudansha. Ante nada, todos pasaron. Segundo, quizás no todo el mundo estuvo de acuerdo en que todos pasaran. Pero supongo que esto es lo que ocurre en una actividad muy humana tal como el Aikido. Tercero, había más de veinte (20) personas presentando exámenes desde shodan a nidan y luego sandan. También había muchos diferentes estilos de hacer aikido, aún si estuviésemos todos bajo el mismo techo, bajo la misma sombrilla, y representando la misma organización llamada Sansuikai International.
Durante ese domingo, mientras los exámenes se realizaban, por primera vez en mi muy corta vida como Aikidoka, no me senté en el tatami con mis amigos, envuelta en el capullo de energía natural a esta experiencia. En vez de eso, y porque estaba lidiando contra una fiebre producto de la “gripe de lluvia”, silenciosamente me calcé las zapatillas después de la última clase antes de los exámenes, subí al vestuario de damas, y me tomé una ducha para calmar la fiebre amenazante. Me puse mi ropa confortable de domingo, tomé mi cámara de video, y me senté en las gradas para hacer algo muy importante. Observé.
Mirar a través de un lente de video es diferente a observar silenciosamente con mis ojos desnudos. Durante los exámenes de shodan, hice eso justamente. Observé con mis ojos, y mantuve cerradas la cámara de video y mi boca. Y luego empezaron los exámenes de nidan, y elegí grabar el examen de una amiga con mi nueva videocam de alta definición. Además de su examen, también grabé los otros nidan randori, y más tarde, grabé los exámenes de sandan. Todo esto ocurrió en un lapso de una hora o menos. Más de veinte exámenes desde shodan a nidan a sandan en un espacio de tiempo de quizás 60 minutos o menos. No estoy segura. Admito que estaba esperando que los exámenes de sandan fuesen más largos, pero no. Si acaso, cada examen de sandan duró quizás 2 a 3 minutos, pero no mucho más de eso. Se dice que sensei Yamada, a través del seminario y desde el comienzo, cuidadosamente observa a todos los Aikidokas candidatos para exámenes, y es por eso que los “tests” en sí son cortos porque ya él los observó trabajando a través de las clases intensas del seminario, con diferentes tipos de uke, durante todo el fin de semana. Es también una actitud realista para seminarios donde muchos Aikidokas vienen de otros países y deben correr al aeropuerto el domingo en la tarde para alcanzar sus vuelos de vuelta a casa. Otro pensamiento que alimenta mi mente es que observé que el test para shodan es más largo que el de nidan, y el test de nidan es un poco más largo que el test de sandan. Son reafirmaciones de un proceso. Es un corazón o una gema preciosa que se va puliéndose, tomando más tiempo al principio, y luego menos y menos tiempo, pero con más atención a detalles hasta obtener la Verdad esencial, la naturaleza pura de tu propio ser.
En mi estado semi-delirante de controlar mentalmente mi fiebre y ese desesperante dolor de cabeza, estuve consciente de la belleza y la naturaleza imperfecta o “corazón / gema preciosa” de todos mis amigos. Pensé también que quizás como raza, nosotros los humanos necesitamos estos ritos de iniciación para reconocer públicamente nuestros esfuerzos de simplemente expresar nuestra gratitud de estar vivos, de poder crecer y seguir aprendiendo. ¿Acaso los exámenes de Aikido no son eso esencialmente? Un test o examen es un rito de iniciación que experimenta cada candidato. Está el ritual, la indumentaria, los líderes de cada tribu, el gurú, la familia, los seres amados, los amigos, y también están el temor y la emoción, la conmoción y el alivio, la respiración y exhalación, las expectativas y a veces el dolor necesario de las desilusiones en pro de los también necesarios despertares.
Aparte de la necesidad de estos ritos de iniciación, creo que los humanos también tienen esa necesidad de ser sentenciosos sólo porque es el hábito más fácil que hemos adquirido para en realidad reflejar nuestros propios miedos, dudas y certezas naturales. Cuando desnudamos todas esas capas extras de ego sobre ego, descubrimos una ecuación sencilla:
Vivo, por ende me comunico.
Me expreso en circunstancias variables e impredecibles (randori), por ende me hallo desnuda de cualquier ilusión o suposición, y sólo puedo ser yo misma como siempre he sido a través de este camino de auto-conocimiento, de aprender a amarme y a otros, de perdonar, de reír, llorar, de despertarme a la naturaleza de la bondad imperfecta que en realidad puede funcionar en este caos hermoso.
Celebro que cada uno de los que presentaron exámenes fue capaz de estar a la altura de sus propios desafíos. El coraje para poder comunicar sus propias personalidades, sus vidas, y el amor a través del Aikido, a pesar de las lesiones, las pruebas físicas y espirituales, o la simple falta de sueño, es algo que me inspira a dar lo mejor de mí misma cada día. Siempre termino mis crónicas con gratitud, y ésta no es la excepción.
Me siento agradecida por estar en este camino, y de poder haber reunido mi energía hiperactiva y febril para poder estar sentada tranquilamente. Observando y amando.

Thank you

Too much noise. I need to be still. I wish to be silent.
If I wake up without a smile on my face, there are no complex explanations. This is not good.
So again, back to basics.
Basic love, basic breathing, basic forgiving.

I had no right to be in your private picture I saw on that rainy day. I realized that I can’t be a part of that. I am way too experienced, way too aware of ego, way too tired of confusing myself or others anymore. Time to be unconfused. Time to heal. This is an awakening in the middle of the rain. It tasted salty. It burned an open scar. But then, as I bravely bore the pain, a sweet burst of sun. I knew this was a necessary lesson.

And as I was walking today, I came across this. It is simple and necessary.

I didn’t see anything I already didn’t know. I just hadn’t acknowledged it. We were wrapping ourselves in a net of lazy habits, of old repetitions to sooth the ego. And before I allow my mind to spin, I lay myself naked on fertile ground with love, and contemplate the growth of a seed that thrives on a better relationship with you.

It won’t be easy. But I’ve taken a good step forward. So you can love her.
So I can love him. So we can grow and learn, and not hurt anybody anymore.

Encuentros con personas que antes me molestaban pero ahora no.

Encuentros con personas que antes me molestaban pero ahora no.

Antes que nada….¡Feliz día de San Valentín para ti! Gracias por tomarte el tiempo de leer esto.

Una amiga mía de Japón me dijo que toda la cosa de ellos de ser tan cuchis (kawaii!!!!!) en su moda, música, y cualquier cosa de cultura pop, tiene que ver con su pasatiempo favorito de transformar lo mejor de su ociosidad en algo cuchi. Yo creo que es solamente su forma de mantener feliz al niño o niña que llevan por dentro, dada la feroz supervivencia que deben enfrentar cuando ya son “adultos”, con trabajos que hacer, familias que mantener, y obligaciones con la sociedad. La niña en mí es la clave para despertarme a la realidad que mí única y verdadera obligación es de ser ¡feliz! Así que es mi manera de justificar kawaii!!! Quizás pueda estar en mi ropa ejecutiva todo el día en la oficina, ¡pero te juro que nunca soltaré mi carterita de pucca ni mis franelitas de hellokitty!

Y hablando de eso…ya llevo tiempo que pienso que sí estoy creciendo. No sé si “arriba” sería la palabra que le sigue. Sólo creo que estoy comprendiendo mejor lo que es el amor.

¿Te has encontrado con alguien que es un reflejo tan perfecto de las cosas que NO te gusta de ti, que no soportas estar cerca de esa persona? ¿Has detenido a pensar que cuando una persona enciende o dispara esa reacción de “rechazo” en ti, en realidad es porque esa persona ha encendido una conciencia increíble de tus cosas (tus peos) que te incitan a crecer? ¿A amar? Y me refiero a AMAR DE VERDAD. Desnudado de juicios o deseos. Un amor desnudo sin límites.

Así que esto es lo que me está sucediendo últimamente. Estoy de verdad amando. Es demasiado loco. Estoy en el medio de la clase de Aikido y silenciosamente (si eso es posible hacer) le grito al sensei “soy feliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz!!” Después de la clase de Aikido abrazo a cada persona como si no hubiese un mañana. Y cuando digo a cada persona, es cada una de las personas. Hasta la gente que refleja las partes en mí que no me gusta. Ahora, si eso no es un comienzo de amor, entonces ¿dime qué es?!

Sí, y tengo la ligera sospecha que esto ha tomado forma y vida desde su incepción hace 6 meses atrás, cuando simplemente tuve que respirar adentro y exhalar afuera, en el intento de flotar y fluir en lo que llamo “zen acuático”, esa natación que he estado haciendo últimamente. Guao. Soy tan pero tan afortunada.
Ahora, creo que es el momento de seguir develando y quitando más capas. Es hora de escucharte a ti.
Te amo.

***************
Encounters with persons who used to bug me but now don’t.

Before I even start…Happy Valentine’s day to you!! Thanks for taking the time to read this.
A friend of mine from Japan told me that the whole deal of cuteness (kawaii!!!!!) in their fashion, music, and pop anything, has to do with their favorite pastime of transforming the best of their idleness into cuteness. I think that it is just their way of keeping the child inside happy, given the ferociousness of survival when they are “grown-ups”, with jobs to do, families to maintain, and obligations with society. The child in me is the key to awakening to the reality that my only real obligation is to be happy! So that’s my way of justifying kawaii!!! I might be in my business suit all day long in the office, but heck I won’t let go of my pucca handbag or hellokitty tshirts!

Speaking of which…it’s been a while now that I think that I am growing. I don’t think “up” would be the word. I just think that I am understanding more what love is.

Have you ever come across with someone who is such a perfect reflection of all that you DON’T like about yourself, that you can’t stand being near that person? Have you ever stopped to think that when a person spurs or ignites the “reject” reaction in you, it’s really because that person has triggered an astounding awareness of your stuff that is challenging you to grow? To love? I mean REALLY LOVE. Stripped away from judgment or desire. Naked love without bounds.

So this has been happening lately. I am really loving. It’s too crazy. I am in the middle of Aikido class and I quietly (if this is at all possible) shout to sensei “soy feliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz!!” (“I am haaaaaappy!!!”). After Aikido class I hug each person like there’s no tomorrow. And when I say each person, it is each and every one of them. Even the people that reflect the parts in me I don’t like of myself! Now, if that’s not a start of love, then tell me what is?!

Yes, and I have the slight suspicion that this has come to life from the inception 6 months ago, when I simply had to breathe in and out in water, in the attempt to float and flow, in what I call “aquatic zen”, the swimming thing I’ve been doing lately. Wow. I am so so fortunate.
Now, I think it’s time to peel away even more layers. It’s time to listen to you.
I love you.

11.01.11 Yoda on my cake

I believe that my niece (SO) and I (JUS) interchange roles of master jedi / padawan. I think we reflect each other in different cycles of learning. This is a source of wonder, and I am so grateful that we get to laugh together and be in the same family.
I have to share what we wrote to each other recently. I was in a down mood, the kind that is a necessary shadow to be able to enjoy light. Usually when I’m like that, I crave for food...especially...cake. And since she’s a chef, I took the liberty of asking her to indulge me…
Her answer to my plea of help, and my thank-you responses to her notes:

SO: Como diría María Antonieta: "LET THEM EAT CAKE"
JUS: también dijo: "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!" jaja...o creo que la estoy confundiendo con la reina en Alice in Wonderland!
SO: I'll bake one for you, and ONLY for you. When could you pass by the house to pick it up? Let me know to put my hands to work.
JUS: Oh my, you are the best! Thank you! I will pass by Saturday in the evening to sleep over until Sunday, is that okay? will you have time to bake on Saturday or Sunday?
SO: Esta semana escribo algo en mi blog y te lo dedicaré, pinky promise.
JUS: Cool! Just as long as you don't embarrass me in the public web without my previous consent! hahahaha
SO: Why so down, anyways? being such a sexy mamma as you? smart, succesfull, and did I mention DAMN HOT?
JUS: I know! I know! Why? Why? Why? hahaha I'm smart (sometimes), successfull (yes, I have fulfilled many dreams but I've got a lot more to achieve!), damn hot (yupiiiiiiii, that's always good to hear at my age!!!) But for the light of the universe, I have to do many many many mornings of OYOGU ZEN (zen swimming)...

JUS: I think the spark that lit up my existential anxiety was this morning when my wonderful and kind Boss asked me, "Please you must continue singing, yes? You will sing with another band soon, yes? Because singing is important to you, yes?" ... and to all those "Yes questions", I just stood there amazed that my Boss asked me all that, and my eyes started filling up with tears, and I blurted out, "Yeeees, of course I will sing again! I don't know with who or when, but I cannot live my life without song!" ... "Would you like some coffee, sir?"...

JUS: and then after serving him coffee, I went to my desk and listened to Jason Mraz and got very mental about the universe, world peace, yogaikidomusicswimsexfoodsmiles and inner harmony hahaha...

SO: hahahah!!!! It's funny to imagine him, an empowered boss-sama suggesting the "yes" answer after every question, as if he's not giving you a choice. Cute and scary, as most SAMAS.
Well, but he's right. The world shouldn't be left without the bliss of your voice. And even if it is a karaoke night, you should sing for our life's sake. I know I didn't participate much in Majarete's developing, but hell I've been watching you since I'm a baby, and to be very honest I don't think I would be half the singer I am without you. So, please, keep singing. If you need an excuse for Karaoke descarga, you know my phone number, and you know singalongs are my favorite guilty pleasure. May the Force be with you, voice-jedi!

************

My niece has given me many funny and appreciated nicknames. I love all my nicknames. Maybe I haven't lived up to the "voice-jedi" nick. I've definitely lived up to the "timpimpis" one, and I am so definitely representative of "tía raccoonie"... And with regards to the path of mastering, we are all padawans of some sort, and she's my #1 master RYOURIJIN (chef).

So it's basics. I wrote this before. Basic loving, basic breathing, basic forgiving, basic loving, basic flowing. Back and forward to basics!

“Luke: What's in there?

Yoda: Only what you take with you.”

**************

What is Timing

What is perfect Timing?
It’s not an obsession. It’s just the most familiar way that humans (and I consider myself in that group!!!) in general, relate to experiences and feelings, sensations and activities: we need to measure stuff. To understand something, we need to quantify one thing in relation to something else so that in our minds, that “thing” can have a name, can have a form (quantifiable) and has its place in space and time (also quantifiable in the past present or future).
The concept of “we only got 4 minutes to save the world” (so say Madonna and Justin T), wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t a consciousness of 60 seconds to change the world, 2 seconds to be in the world, half a second to perceive the world, a millisecond’s breath to embrace the whole world, or in a “Plank time” to blink and lose it all (Planck time: 5.391 × e−44 seconds. That's 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000005391 of a second!!!! …uk.answers.yahoo.com).
We breathe therefore we count. When my mom almost died last year from severe pneumonia, her main exercise was to blow into a device called a spirometer that, in the most simplest terms, measured her lung capacity. We fill our lungs with air, therefore we fill our minds with countable concepts, and sometimes, we fill our egos with countable objects and desires and passions that sustain it (because while we attempt to EMPTY, even the attempts are countable!) No mind, to gaze and to perceive, to be aware and to recognize and meditate in tranquil unquantifiable nothingness…that is the ideal. But for now, I count my OMs, you count your SHIVAYAs, mom counts her AVE MARIAs, my partner counts his KI-AIs, my sensei counts the money needed to remodel the dojo, and my voice coach uses a metronome click to encourage me to sustain the length of a high C note during singing classes.
Time can go on without us. Space can go on without us. But once the concept of “you and I equals WE or US” comes into the picture of space and time, there is then a thing called TIMING. Without space, there is no such thing as timing for WE. I would like to understand that Timing is time with relationship. Timing is time with love. Timing is time for communication. And all this is you and I, we, us, as we move together in aikido, in the music, in the dance, in life, sometimes at imperfect timing, and sometimes in absolutely perfect timing, even if the sensation of perfection is actually a subjective one that both you and I happen to agree on at that quantifiable yet unquantifiable moment. It is only as significant as the proportion of love and attention we want to give to Timing.
At my actual place of work, time is so special. The favorite salutation I give to our suppliers and collaborators is, “thank you in advance for your timely response” (a very polite way of saying, “hey, please give me a solution quickly because we have a deadline to reach!”). Timing and time in my other jobs previous to this one, was never food for thought or fuel for polite encouragement. Now, every day I punch a timecard registering the exact moment I come in and the exact moment I go out of my office. At first I regarded it as a cute reminder of who my employers are (so Japanese, I love them even if I am of a much more laid-back culture). Now I see the timecard as polite encouragement to build onto basics. If you can’t do something as basic as get to work on time, be on the dojo in time, say “I love you” to your loved one on time (now!!!), then what happens when you are faced with greater challenges? So this happy exercise of peeling away the layers of meaning of time and timing is one fortunate amusement for me, as I continue to count my OMs, my KI AIs and my I-Love-You(s) in this journey with a beginning, middle, and end. Then maybe at the end, I will bow gratefully and say, “thank you for your timely response!”

Swimming. The absolutely alone experience.

About two months ago I started swimming “diligently”. It first started with a splash, and with the very basic pieces of knowledge (mostly intuitive) in order not to drown. I tried in the start, at the beginner’s-friendly family-oriented pool of my club in the boondocks, o sea, en la Hermandad Gallega de Valle Fresco. There, after successfully taming my impatient nature by being calm in the middle of a mercado callejero en el barrio de Valle Fresco justo en la entrada del club donde todo es caos y los reyes de la carretera (los !”#$%&/()”# choferes de buses) hacen lo que le dan la gana, where live gallinas are sold and killed in the middle of the street justo al lado de un mecánico arreglando su auto con un bidón de gasolina, a escasos metros de una vendedora ambulante de “parrilla de carne” (carne de qué tipo???)…anyway, after successfully breathing and chanting OM for an hour and passing through that chaos, I cross the entrance of the club and behold!…I roll into a different space and time, a fairy tale forest taken from middle Spain and planted in the middle of Municipio Sucre / Estado Miranda, Venezuela.

There, everyone already knows me. Heck, they’ve seen this semi-naked body every weekend (mornings when the pool is “clean” and piss-free), vehemently splashing her almost 58 kilos of happy fat across the water, gulping for air, and basically being a joyful mammal in the middle of her quest to touch the other end of the pool without drowning! And so it started like that, first 25 meters, then adding another lap. Then realizing that it’s good to relax, then awakening to the simplicity of just being grateful. The being grateful and thankful part really is the key to swimming.

And I keep swimming now to the extent of declaring it one of my essential activities for sanity! The coolest sensation is dipping into a pool without a care in the world, and for 30 minutes having no mind. Just breathing out and in, swinging arms, flipping feet, body in relaxed action….and the complete sensation of being alone with myself, facing the fears, acknowledging the joys, thanking the moment.